Top Ten Worst Halloween Candy

The Treats No Trick-or-Treaters Want


Good ole Charlie Brown gets another rock!

It’s that time of year again when little ghouls, goblins, witches, and monsters all come out in search of chocolate sweets.  Yup, it’s Halloween once more!  Who can forget the anticipation, the thrill of dressing up, and the big booty at the end of the night? It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right behind Christmas.  Since this is a night for kids and candy, I thought I’d scare up a top ten list of worst candy to give out to trick-or-treaters.  If you give out candy this Halloween, this is the list to avoid:

toothbrush_adultv41_all1.  Toothbrush – This is the worst non-candy treat a person could give a kid.  Halloween is all about sweets and chocolate. Who wants to be reminded that they have to brush their teeth?  Could you find a more utilitarian treat? This is akin to getting socks and underwear for Christmas. It’s a big no-no.

2.  Pennies – I really want to know who thought that this was a good idea. What is someone going to do with a few penniespennies or a couple of nickels? Did you confuse my outfit for a piggy bank?  What a total rip-off.  I bet people who give pennies to trick-or-treaters are the same people who tell waiters how wonderful they are and then leave a $2.00 tip on a $45.00 tab. If you’re too cheap to give out candy, then turn your lights out and pretend you’re not home…

stickers3.  Stickers – This is the last of the non-food no-no’s.  Stickers are so 90’s. No decent child wants stickers today. Stickers are cheap and boring.  And there’s nothing worse than having your little pirate come  home with My Little Pony stickers except maybe your precious ballerina getting stuck with squashed bug stickers. Plus this is one way to make sure that your mailbox, front door, and car windows get plastered with your lousy stickers.

apple-braeburn4. Apples – I personally like apples, but for Halloween? No way!  First of all, and I can’t say it enough, it’s candy kids want. Not fruit. Besides, who hasn’t heard all those razor-blade-in-the-apple stories? No self-respecting mom is going to allow her kids to eat an apple that she has no idea where it came from. It’s getting tossed the minute the kids get home. You might as well have given them a rock.

popcorn balls5. Popcorn Balls – Even back when I was a kid, kids hated getting popcorn balls. By the time we got around to eating them, the were hard and stale. It’s sort of like eating styrofoam chunks that have been coated in resin. It also falls into the “you can’t have it if it’s home made” category and gets tossed in the garbage.  The only thing worse than a popcorn ball is an individual pack of microwave popcorn.

candy con6. Candy Corn – It’s not Halloween without candy corn, but for goodness sake, don’t give it to the trick-or-treaters! Unless you buy it in individual serving bags, you’ll have to sort it out into zip-lock bags and mommies don’t like candy that has been opened and handled. It’s another trash can candy.  Besides, everyone has candy corn. It’s the free Halloween candy.  It belongs in the candy dish on the coffee table where you can pick at it all you want.

bulk candy image_medium7. Bulk Generic Wrapped Candy – Nothing says lovin’ like a handful of no-frills, unidentifiable generic candy.  This is the stuff they hand out for free in trade show booths and use as filler in the prepacked food gift packs you buy at K-mart.  It usually consists of nasty mints and unidentifiable flavors in unappetizing colors.  I’d rather get the tooth brush.

Jolly ranchers8.  Jolly Ranchers – One step above generic candy, Jolly Ranchers are every mother’s nightmare.  They look like a standard hard candy but have a semi-gooey, glue like texture that clings to your teeth stronger than Lindsay Lohan clings to her Bloody Mary.  These are guaranteed to destroy teeth and pull out fillings. Once you put one in your mouth, it’s hours before you can open it again.

maryjanecandy9.  Mary Jane – Unless you were born in the 50’s or 60’s, you probably don’t even know what a Mary Jane is.  I believe it is the step sister of the Jolly Rancher.  It’s a mini semi-hard, semi-soft, semi-chewy peanut buttery brick. This is another tooth destroyer, keeping many a dentist in business when I was a tyke.  And this is one damn small candy. It makes fun-size candy bars actually look fun.

granola bars10. Granola Bars – Here’s a healthy food that everyone is always trying to push off as  a candy bar.  Even when mixed with nuts and fruit and dipped in chocolate, kids know a health food product when they see one.  When my daughter was little, I had her convinced that yogurt was a desert like pudding and ice cream until one day at school her classmates corrected her.  Boy, was she pissed at me. Don’t make the same mistake at Halloween.

GreatPumpkin2-758233Well there you have my Top Ten List of Worst Halloween Candy. Whatever you do this Halloween, be sure you avoid these clunkers. Stick to the good stuff like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Snickers Bars.  Try to remember back when you were a kid, when you actually got full size candy bars when you went trick-or-treating.  Today’s kids are stuck with those itty-bitty fun size candy bars. Unless you’re a 40 year old woman, tiny does not equal fun. So if you give out those little bars, let the kids take a handful. Or better yet, shock the hell out of your neighborhood and go old school by giving out full size candy bars. If you do, let me know where you live so I can get in on the action.  Happy Halloween Everyone!


22 thoughts on “Top Ten Worst Halloween Candy

  1. Debby says:

    Ooooohh! I LOVE Mary Janes! If they’re in the bag of candy I buy, I keep ’em. If you get them and don’t want them — send them to me please! I also like Tootsie Rolls but I give them out. I also like Sugar Babies, Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mamas. The ones I hated getting were Almond Joy and Mounds –ewwwwwww.

  2. Marti says:

    how about Dum-Dum pops? My mom used two have two bowls of candy–one with the CHOCOLATE and the other with the Dum Dums…the Dums were for the stranger-kids or big kids w/out masks or costumes. Then…when my kids were old enuff to go treating, I secretly swiped all the REESE’S P. BUTTER CUPS outa there bags when they were asplee. Baad, baad, ,Momma!

  3. catt says:

    Your RIGHT NO damn APPLES..And NO homebake COOKIES.. but web have old ladies down here who will be handing out the Apples and the cookies wrapped in plastic wrap.. What a waste of time and their money… They should of save the apples to make a pie..

  4. Mary Janes are the Devil’s work.

    There is no excuse for the old people who still give out apples & popcorn balls. They were NOT old 20+ years ago when the hype about unsafe Halloween treats started up.

    On my street, we had a lady who’d cut little pumpkins out of construction paper and tape a penny in the middle. So disappointing. And it’s not that I was an ungrateful kid, but even then I knew a penny couldn’t buy you anything and I could squeeze one more candy-giving house in if I skipped hers altogether.

    Happy Halloween to you!

  5. I’m with you on 7 of 10 – I happen to love popcorn balls, candy corn, and jolly ranchers – sure I’d prefer a snickers bar, but those 3 never made me upset :). In fact, my mom still gives me a popcorn ball (or 2) every year :). Yea, I know I’m strange, just my opinion :).

  6. I love all the Mary Jane supporters here. Except they really are the worst. I mean, if you like your teeth and everything. When we run out of candy, we hand out not pennies, but quarters. The kids love us. Stumbled and Tweeted the post. I want to make sure no one who’s thinking of giving out Mary Janes actually does it.

  7. Amen to the tiny bite sized candy bars. Seriously, the chocolate coating to filling ratio in those things are way off, so even if you eat 2 or 3 it’s not the same experience at all as the snack sized ones.

    Kathy, you were so right to share this. SO, SO Right. As the mother of five, I will be eating my share of Halloween treats this week to save my children from obesity and tooth decay and I’d appreciate it if people used a little thought and consideration in making their choices.

    Last year, I gave kinder eggs, because I am just that awesome.

  8. They still make Mary Janes? Who knew? Oh….a lot of you did!! I’ve never seen toothbrushes as Trick or Treat goodies. The biggest hit with the kids last year was bags of pretzels! I actually do have popcorn balls this year, but their pre-packaged in spooky Halloween bags with lots of sugary sweetness. The kids here seem to love that stuff.

    Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

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  10. I always felt that way about Jolly Ranchers, but I was talking to a group of kids and they said they loved Jolly Ranchers. I loved Mary Janes but haven’t seen any recently. Do they still make them? Take 5s are my favorite but I can’t find them in any store.

  11. Oh my goodness…I think I’ve found a blog that I’ll be coming back to again and again! I’m so glad I went exploring the! I’m a blogger, too and was starting to think that 99% of all the other ‘bloggers’ were nothing but hawkers of handbags and snake oil merchants selling ‘new and improved air’.

    I loved this Trick-or-Treat blog and look so forward to reading your other entries.

    And, even though this will seem like a shameless ‘hawking’ of my own blog, I hope you’ll drop by mine because my blog is an observational humor blog that I think you might enjoy as it is ‘funny’ but not sophomoric which is exactly how I perceived your blog!

    Good show and keep up the great blogging work!

    Most cordially,
    L Avery Brown

    • By the way…I forgot to mention one of the other ‘weird treats’…little coupons for freebies at the local fastfood joints. My daughter got 23 of them this year and they’re all stuck to the fridge waiting for 01/01/10 to arrive so I can go ‘oh, look these expired yesterday!’

  12. 1. I love popcorn balls. I haven’t seen them in a while though.
    2. My son watched Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin before he went trick or treating. Every house he said, “Oh, I just got a rock.”
    3. In all my 40 odd years I have seen full sized candy bars like twice. I need to move up to higher class neighborhoods. LOL

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