I seem to be having an issue with writing a new post for my blog lately. I’ve been feeling a little bit ambivalent regarding everything and I am not quite sure why. Actually, I think I do know why. It’s a stupid little pattern of apathy that I have been fighting since I was in my teens. So what made me write now? Well, I was walking the dogs a few moments ago and it’s quite dark. As I crossed the street and walked over the railroad tracks to the strip of turf where the dogs do their business, a car drove up to the nearest intersection. Stopping, it then turned right and just after it passed me, one of the riders yelled, “faggot.” Actually, it was more like a squeal–a gritted mouth shriek that sounded like someone who was trying to talk and force a bowel movement at the same time.
It was really a cry–a desperate kind of “I had to yell a gay slur at you or it was gonna kill me, cause gay guys scare me cause the thought of gay sex sort of excites me and that scares me” kind of cry. And he waited until he was past me and then yelled it out, like an after thought or as if he had to wait so I couldn’t see his face. Or maybe he was afraid I’d yell something back at him like, “Stop and let me do you, you hot straight guy” because we all know that gay men want to do straight men, especially when they yell homophobic slurs at them while they are walking their dogs late in the evening…
So I decided to sit down at the computer and blog about it. And while I am at it, I thought I’d update you all with what’s going on in my life. I usually don’t write general posts about my life. I’m not really interested in writing a journal-like blog that chronicles my every day activities. Not that there’s anything wrong with blogs like that. It’s just not what I want for my blog; however, there’s been a lot of stuff going on (some good and some bad) and sometimes it helps to write it down.
One of the good things is that Heather and Aaron got engaged a couple of weeks ago. They haven’t picked a wedding date yet but Heather wants a good, old fashioned sit-down wedding reception. I can’t blame her there and so I will have to work hard at what I can actually afford. But they have some money put aside, my mother is welling to help some, and I’ve yet talked to Heather’s mother about what she may be willing to put into the deal. Additionally, Aaron has moved in with us. Since they want to get a house, this will help them save money faster to reach that goal.
On the flip side, I’ve been depressed about the serious deterioration of a close friendship. I don’t want to go into the details but it is one of those cause and effect things, where something that happened to me eventually eroded the friendship. It’s sad to watch something you cherish die such a slow death and feel absolutely incapable to do anything about it. On the flip side, a very good friend of mine, Melissa, snuck away to the Caribbean and secretly got married. The little devil. I love this girl and I couldn’t be happier for her. She’s having her wedding reception October 17 and there’s no way I could miss it.
October 17 is the SITStication conference. Doesn’t life suck, sometimes? I’ve already paid the $200 deposit, which I think is non-refundable. I was also experiencing difficulties going because I planned to use my US Airways miles to get a free round trip flight. Unfortunately, that weekend is not a super saver weekend and the miles required are doubled to 50,000. Since I only have 27,000 miles, I can’t get a free flight. So I have been worrying myself sick over thinking about having to now pay for a flight that I thought was free and pay for the room and have money to spend AND save up for a wedding that’s probably going to cost 7 or 8 grand, minimally. And now it conflicts with Melissa’s wedding reception. There’s no way I am missing that so the decision was made for me. Don’t hate me gals at SITS.
I went to the doctors on Wednesday for a regular check-up to see how my blood pressure was doing. Unfortunately, it was 176/102 and that is not good. Additionally I was 26 lbs. heavier than my last visit and 36 lbs. heavier than I was 14 months ago. Dr. B prescribed another drug to take along with my current medication and told me to cut out salt completely from my diet. She told me that your taste buds become desensitized to salt so the more you use it, the less you taste it and the more you need to use it. After about three weeks of no salt, your body starts to re-adjust and regain it’s sensitivity to salt. Let’s hope she’s right. She also wanted me to lose 25 lbs.
The good news is that I told Heather about it and she and Aaron went out and bought all this healthy, low/no salt foods. We went to the Collingswood Farmer’s Market on Saturday and bought fresh veggies and fruit. Heather’s decided to start cooking regularly again and that means healthy, low fat, low salt meals. We started on Thursday and it’s now Tuesday and I’ve already lost 10 pounds. Of course, every woman I’ve told this to has informed me that men lose weight very easily and it’s all unfair. Unfair? Maybe. But whatever it is, I’m glad I’m on the losing end. Sixteen pounds to go to get to 180 and an additional ten more to 17o. I think know I can do it.
So there are the little ups and downs in my life recently. I hope I didn’t bore you too much.