Being a SITS member, I’ve come across a lot of Mommy blogs. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. It seems that blogging has become the new extra curricular mommy activity, if such a thing even exists or ever existed. Gone are the women’s clubs of yesteryear. Today, Mommies have blogs that connect them to bloggy mommy friends from all over the country. And what do you think Mommies blog about? Their kids.
But not just their kids. They blog about all the cute things those little rascally bundles of joy do and all the crazy situations they get into. They blog about their hectic lives and how they managed to open a jar of pickles with their kneecap while simultaneously dressing the two-year old, brushing the 5 year old’s hair, making fluffernutter sandwiches, AND all while loading the dishwasher and folding 15 pairs of underwear because her 13 yo daughter has to change her clothes 7.5 times a day.
Not that there is anything wrong with that
but I feel like I’m outmanned in the cute kid and overworked crazy parent department. How can I compete with all that nonsense? My life revolves around sitting in my living room in my flannel lounge pants, playing Fowl Words 2 at Nabiscoworld.com
, and racing Dave to the door before he pees all over the carpet. It’s really hard to find something cute or clever in any of that.
And don’t feed me any of that crap about funny bloggers without kids like Margaret over at Nanny Goats in Panties
, Kathy at The Junk Drawer
, or JD over at I Do Things So You Don’t Have To
. Un-Mommy bloggers can use all that pent up Mommy energy on creative humor for their blogs. What a minute? I think JD has kids. Damn, that bitch is uniquely funny and possibly has children? I’d hate her if I didn’t like her so much. (Ok, so maybe she doesn’t have kids but she has a cat. That counts, doesn’t it?)
Well regardless, I too have some cute parenting stories, sort of. Let me know what you think of these:
1. The other night I was in bed half alseep and Dave farted. (Yes, I’m one of those lame people who sleep with their dogs.) Now there’s nothing unsually funny with
that as Dave farts all the time!
But this time he stood up and let another one rip, a really big and loud fart. Before I could check to see if there was any residual damage to my comforter, Dave started to vehmently bark at his butt. There really is something sad about watching a dog bark at his rear end at 2:45 in the morning. Yes, I have no life.
2. When Heather was about 1 1/2, her mother and I decided to take her out to a nice restaurant with us for dinner. (Yes, I was a breeder once.) It was the first time we had taken her somewhere nice and we were all dressed up. I forget the name of the restaurant but it was the kind of place that had white table cloths and everyone talked in hush tones. So there we are, sitting at the table with Heather in a high-chair, when all of a sudden Heather loundly announces, “I farted!” The room went silent for a few seconds and then everyone in the room started to laugh. Aren’t children precious?
3. When Heather was about 4 I was out at the mall with her when two young ladies approached me to tell me how adorable my daghter was. This was the 80’s and the girls had the big hair and the 80’s clothes and make up. They’re making all this fuss over Heather. Heather is a real girly-girl and she loved girls with lots of makeup. She turned to the first girl (who was very pretty) and said, “You’re really pretty,” and before the girl could respond she turned to the other one and said, “and you’re not.” I knew right then and there that Heather had inherited my gay bitch gene.
Well there you have it. Even 48 yo gay dads with 29 yo daughters can sometimes come up with funny antedotes regarding children. Yes, dogs are like children and I don’t want to argue the point. (If you don’t believe it’s true, than you need to see Molly Shannon in The Year of the Dog. And don’t miss Laura Dern’s spot on portrayal of an anal, over-protective mother. Yea, you know the type.) So thank you Mommies, for letting me be part of your blogging community. I’ll do my best to keep up with you, one farting dog/kid at a time.