If you have read any of my recent past posts, you’ll know that I have a very busy schedule right now. I leave for Orlando on Tuesday for a BIG trade show and I won’t return until Sunday. My play opens Friday the 13th and when I get back, I will be rehearsing every night until opening day. On top of that, my stepfather’s birthday is the 9th (he’s 93), my good friend Steve’s birthday is the 10th, and my sister’s birthday is the 14th, which is also Valentine’s Day.
So I am crazy busy at work, crazy busy with rehearsing and learning lines, and just plain crazy looking for birthday presents somewhere in between all that AND I have to deal with being single on yet another Valentine’s Day. This all leads to the title of this post. You see, I’ve been dreaming a lot lately and mostly about having a boyfriend.
I think because I’ve changed my eating habits and I’m in “stress” mode, my dreams have become somewhat more vivid. For several nights I have dreamt about having a boyfriend. I remember the dreams when I first awake and then they slowly fade like a fog lifting as the sun breaks through. I don’t remember most of the dreams other than I had a boyfriend in them. But there is something I do distinctly remember.
I remember being in bed and cuddling up to him. (whoever “him” was as I cannot remember what he looked like) But I do remember how I felt–a warm, wonderful feeling of having someone to love and who loves me back. It’s a feeling I’ve known before and even as I type this, the feeling is sweeping over me like a sweet distant memory. When I awoke, I almost felt like someone was sleeping beside me.
I know that I want a boyfriend. I know that I am happy when I have a boyfriend. I know that I don’t like not having a boyfriend BUT I also know that I can live without one without falling apart. Once all this busy stuff has passed and the play is over, I am going to focus on trying to meet someone. But not like before, in bars or online in gay chat rooms. I’ve put my stuff out there before and I am tired of hook-ups and sex driven relationships. Is there someone out there that wants something more? Something lasting? Something worth holding on to?
I believe you’re out there. And I’m coming for you, whoever you are, and wherever you are. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll be looking for someone like me, too. Hey, stranger things have happened. (and I should know cause most of them have happened to me.)