Let’s get one thing straight. (and I use that term loosely) I am not Corky St. Claire. I have never been Corky St. Claire, although I would not have a problem with being Christopher Guest cause I think he’s a genius. Not a hot genius (you can’t have everything), but a genius none-the-less.
If you don’t know who Corky or Christopher are, than shame on you! Christopher Guest is one of the masterminds behind This Is Final Spinal Tap, Waiting For Guffman (where he plays a very gay Corky St. Claire), Best In Show, and A Mighty Wind. If you have not seen any of these movies and/or have no idea what I am talking about, you must lead a very sad and unfulfilled life.
But enough about YOU. This blog is about ME. ME ME ME ME and as I said before, I am not Corky St. Claire. Even when I was young, I was not Corky. When I was in my 20’s, I was a bonafide twink. (If you don’t know what a twink is, ask Nanny Goats in Panties as I’ve already explained it to her and I ain’t gonna do it again) I was a Duran Duran lovin’, parachute pants wearing, Madonna wannabe 80’s gay boi.!
Sexy Hot Preston vs. Big Fag Corky
But some tough/sweet little blog reviewing chickie poo named Calamity has informed me that Corky is exactly what I am. I almost spilled my martini, had I been drinking one at the time. She belongs to Ask and Ye Shall Receive, which is a blog that reviews other blogs. Innocently, I asked for a little review of my modest little blog and this beotch
darling girlie obliged my request. Read her review here
but make sure you get your ass back to my blog to finish reading this post!
Now I take no offense in anything else she said. In fact, I’ve made (what I feel to be) a rather strong effort in meeting some of her demands suggestions. So I am addressing them here and now:
1. Corky St. Claire – I am so way hotter and I don’t use the faggy hand motions or talk really gay like he does. And that hair!!! Puhleeze! And no comments from my friends about that hideous hair cut I had about three years ago that made me look like Moe from the Three Stooges. I corrected that mistake!
2. Blue Skies = Happiness and Barry Manilow – Egads, how wrong can you get. Have you ever heard ELO? I was a BIG fan and I loved the song Mr. Blue Skies. So there. (Can you see me sticking out my tongue, Calamity?) In addition to my paying tribute to ELO, I felt it was appropriate because I was dealing with a very serious depression. I was in a very bad place and needed something to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mr. Blue Skies did that for me. (Can you see my tongue sticking out again?)
3. Blog Coloring is Wrong – I agree with you totally. Big chicken here when it comes to dealing with XML. But I got my shit together and look at my blog now.
4. Blog is Bo-ring – Harumph. I’ll say it again, Harumph!!!! Well I changed my background to a more interesting background. And a pretty gay background too, after all, Calamity says I’m a big old gay boy and I should own it.
I collect cool barware from the 40’s to the 60’s.
No dolls or Judy Garland memorabilia here.
(The beanies are in boxes in my basement, so piss off.)
5. My Blog Roll is Huge – If you think that is huge, you should see my penis. (I got rid of the blog roll but I kept my penis. By-the-way, I call him Mr. Smiley cause when I look at him he looks like he’s smiling back at me. Kinda goes with the whole Mr. Blue Skies theme, huh?)
6. My Blog is One Dimensional – Uh, read number 5.
7. I’m Sweet as Pie and a Good Person – Uh, of course. That won’t change.
8. My blog is bland and vanilla. Needs more bloody hot posts – I like vanilla. It’s my second favorite flavor. (My first is FREE) I’m a 48 year old sex addict, child abuse survivor (and I use survivor very loosely), gay pig who’s been fighting that damn monster under his bed for as long as he can remember. Do you really want to hear about that? I think I’m at a point in my life where vanilla looks pretty damn good to me. (There, I revealed something very dark about myself. Satisfied?)
9. Give Us More than One Dimension – Gee, I thought I was doing that with all those political posts, which Calamity conveniently ignored.
Actually, I can’t thank Calamity enough for all her suggestions. I enjoy blogging and don’t plan to stop anytime soon. I will seriously take every suggestion to heart and work on making this a better blog. If you’re a blogger, I seriously suggest you request a review of your blog. There’s a pretty big waiting list so do it now before you forget! And as a reminder, I am NOT Corky St. Claire, and even if I was, so what? (Can you see my tongue sticking out?)