When I’m Alone…

When I’m alone
I start to think
of things that mean
the most to me
like funny thoughts
and sad songs
and lovers on a starry night
I want to laugh
and cry
and love
I want to be normal
and yet I feel
that I might need
to be a little strange
and like the cold
and want the things
I don’t really want
To need the warmth
of mind and body
To need
surprise presents,
warm mittens,
and a close embrace
And yet I fear
that all these things
will escape me
and that the monster
beneath my bed
will confront me
and I will have to slay him
as I have done
so many times in my dreams
And yet I’ve never met
the monster
beneath my bed
Is it because
I am searching for something
that is not really there?
Could I be fighting someone
stronger than the monster
beneath my bed?
Could it be
that I am fighting someone
I’ve known for years
and yet I don’t really know him?
Could that someone be
Do I really want to be
and feel the pain of
which is so often disguised,
by shyness and differences,
as self-inflicting?
Am I trying to be
too different
from the others that I know?
Or is there something
I desire
from those I’m never with?
Is there someone
within me
that won’t come out?
Or is that someone
from my life?
Could that someone be
Am I so afraid
that I cannot stand up
to my own self?
Or do I fear
what I might find
hidden behind this mask I wear?
Do I really need to be
other than myself?
Has the time come
for me to slay
the monster
beneath my bed?
Or do I really want
to continue this masquerade,
slaying the monster
beneath my bed
when I’m alone?

6 thoughts on “When I’m Alone…

  1. Preston says:

    Hammed – Yup I wrote that 30 years ago and I agree that loneliness is such a sad affair. Seems everyone likes the 3rd pic, too.

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