I’m in Love with the Free Credit Report Dot Com Guy

Free credit1

I admit it. I’ve got a crush on the Free Credit Report Dot Com guy. I just can’t help myself. He’s all over the TV singing those cute songs and looking so darn cute in his waiter/pirate outfit, driving that cute beat up car, or riding that shabby old cute bike. His newest commercial has him acting like he’s a big star, singing a sort of rap tune and looking all cute and superior. Then you realize that he’s just the waiter. Omigod! Is that not just adorable? Do you not just want to eat him up for dinner?

free creditCome on, admit it. He’s got that cute curly hair and chubby cheeks and a sexy, smirky poor guy smile that gets ya right where it counts. (Well if it worked for Shirley Temple, it could work for him) He’s got what we call “geeky hotness.” It makes me want to have his baby, and considering that I’m a 48 year old gay man, that’s saying something. If he wants credit, he’s looking in all the wrong places. I’ll give him all the credit he wants–and more.

Ok so right now most of you woman are going, “Oh, you’re right. He IS so cute!” And most of you guys, if you’re even still reading this, are screaming, “Someone, please, somehow show me Pamela Sue Anderson’s breasts before I get sick!” But let’s be honest boys. Men can find other men attractive and still not be gay. It’s a known fact that if you give a straight man the choice between having sex with Bea Arthur or Brad Pitt, 90% of the time he’ll pick Brad Pitt. But I have a sneaking suspicion that they only pick Brad because deep down inside they believe there’s a remote chance of finding a lingering taste of Angelina Jolie on him. (and with those lips of hers, I’m sure that there’s more than just a lingering taste of her on Brad.)

But I digress. This isn’t about Angelina, Brad, or why straight men cringe at the thought of sex between two men but drool over the thought of sex between two women. It’s about me and my infatuation with someone who is probably less than half my age and is as unattainable as Brad and Angelina are. But when I watch those commercials, I feel like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. And I don’t care. In fact, the original Pirate restaurant song is my ring tone on my cell phone. And if he put out a poster, I’d buy it and put it over my bed. If he put out a cd, I’d listen to it every day. If he held a concert, I’d be in the front row jumping up and down, screaming and crying. (can we all say Beatlemania?) But I refuse to go to a Jonas Brothers concert. After all, even I’m not that gay.

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106 thoughts on “I’m in Love with the Free Credit Report Dot Com Guy

  1. Mike Foster says:

    That’s funny…
    And hasn’t Entrecard been a pain lately? Good job of practicing patience and not allowing it to get ya down.

    peace,
    mike
    livelife365

  2. Nanny Goats In Panties says:

    Preston and the FreeCreditReportDotCom guy sittin’ in a tree….
    OK that’s needs some more work.

    And I’d enter the entrecard contest, but I don’t ride that bus. At least not yet.

  3. Green Dads says:

    He doesn’t do a thing for me. However, the pirate in the background of the lower picture with the eye patch certainly does.

  4. Dana says:

    The songs are ridiculously catchy! The guy doesn’t do it for me. Angelina’s lips would definitely leave more than lingering tastes! I am sure of it!

    The Jonas Brothers, sheesh. My kiddo loves them, they make me wanna pull my hair out!

  5. Taylor says:

    “because deep down inside they believe there’s a remote chance of finding a lingering taste of Angelina Jolie on him”

    Oh, Preston, I just had some very nasty thoughts that made me upchuck.

    I’ll give you the free credit report pirate dude, though.

  6. greedygrace says:

    LMAO! I loved this!

    I have to admit, I’ve got a bit of a crush on him, too. I love the one about him riding around in his used subcompact!

    Happy SITS (or BITS!) Day!

  7. Melissa Papaj Photography says:

    You are too funny! I think that commercial is so addicting…even my four year old runs around singing it. Thanks for the laugh!

  8. KatieSaysSo says:

    I will admit it he is very cute lol. But it does get annoying when I hear that song and cant get it out of my head for the rest of the day!!! Ahh!!!

  9. Mrs. Jelly Belly says:

    I’m strangely attracted to him, too. He’s so cute I could just eat him up (and he’s half my age, too). And I go around singing the dang song all the time – because I’m annoying like that.

  10. Tracey says:

    Ha! tooo funny! I call this the “Commercial Crush”! I am smitten with the big goofy guys on the Hillshire Farms commercials! Don’t ask!! I run from the far ends of my house to chant the song everytime it comes on the tv! My fam thinks I’m nuts! Don’t tell anyone but they may be right!

    HUGS!
    Tracey

  11. Sass says:

    Since we’re being honest, and you’ve got the Free Credit Report guys on my mind, I have a slight little crush on the dude who’s in the commercials with him, but he plays the guitar.

    Sits in the back of the car playing a guitar…I think he sits at a booth at the seafood restaurant.

    He is my secret crush. One of them anyway. 😉

    Congrats on your day!!!

  12. hellosweetworld says:

    I saw something on this guy online one time and he’s not from America. He’s from Romania or something like that. He used to have a band there. Hehe….

    Happy SITS day!

  13. Denise says:

    I’ve always loved those Free Credit commercials– so cute and clever. I admit that he’s pretty cute but I’ll let you have him. I stick to my main love– Tyler Florence. And yes, that sound you hear is the sound of my children retching.

  14. Chelsie and Nicholas says:

    I have all those damn credit report songs memorized and often stuck in my head! Even now I am humming “Free credit report dot com. Tell your friends, tell your dad, tell your mom…” Thanks

  15. Jaden Paige says:

    That is hilarious!

    Congrats on being the SITS FB today!

    I have to say, though he’s not my type, I can see how someone else might think he was a cutie… 🙂

  16. Joy says:

    I hate to say this Preston but those commercials annoy the heck out of me. I can’t mute them fast enough. :o(

    Have you checked IMDb to see if this guy has any other credits? You might be able to find something to put on your Netflix queue!

  17. Oz Girl says:

    You are so funny, but I’m with Joy on this one, those commercials make me cringe! :-0 And what’s up with your job? They don’t let you leave blog comments?! That’s just WRONG!!!! All joking aside, hope you’re having a great day. 🙂

  18. Oz Girl says:

    You are so funny, but I’m with Joy on this one, those commercials make me cringe! :-0 And what’s up with your job? They don’t let you leave blog comments?! That’s just WRONG!!!! All joking aside, hope you’re having a great day. 🙂

  19. My New 30 says:

    He’s well… okay looking I suppose, but MORE annoying is that I hate this company because it is misleading the public.

    Everybody thinks that it’s the government mandated free credit reports that we are allowed to get every year but IT IS NOT!! That would be at annualcreditreport.com

    This “free credit report” company is really one of those “trial” memberships in credit monitoring where they hope you forget about the free part and your credit card gets charged a few times for your monthly membership before you realize and cancel! Scam!!

    Okay …. off the soapbox now!

    Happy SITS/BITS Day!

  20. Manda says:

    Let me start off by stating I am so happy that SITS featured your blog. I just read this one so far and i love it! Ohhh, and I know what you mean… Could I have a secret rendevous with this delicious man?

  21. Mimi says:

    I was laughing so hard my schnauzer ran away from me.

    At first I hated those commercials, but their catchy little jingle got to me & now I find myself singing along. Damn the cute pirate guy!

  22. Willo says:

    I say go for it! I can see it now, you and the free credit guy…a match made in heaven. You never know, it could happen!

  23. Vickie says:

    Celebrity crushed are great! Mine is Dennis Quaid!

    These commercials are a bit funny, now I am gonna look at the guy in another light:)

    Poor Bea Arthur.

  24. Libby says:

    Yeah, he don’t do a thing for me – I like ’em tall, dark, and hairy – guess I’m a fan of bears or something, lololol!

  25. What A Card says:

    Too funny! He doesn’t float my boat (hee, wait, can I get a better pirate reference? He doesn’t shiver me timbers!) But to each his own. Basically, I won’t fight ya for him. However, I may get into a bit of a knock down for Brad Pitt…

  26. Tina says:

    Omg…thanks for the laugh first thing in the morning. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.
    But I don’t think the credit guy is all that cute. He’s almost starting to cross that on tv too much getting annoying line.

  27. Ryan Ashley Scott says:

    Bea Arthur or Brad Pitt? Are you kidding me now I have to wipe coffee off my computer AGAIN because I was just thinking how my husband would never admit a man was attractive and you put the picture of Bea Arthur in my head so of course now I’m thinking of her in the sack with my husband but no, oh no, you go and mention Brad Pitt so now he’s there with the two of them and well… coffee through nose, onto computer. Thanks for the laugh.

  28. KBroome says:

    I Love those commercials. I find myself singing them at work, however is he THAT cute! He’s catchy I guess. You are hilarious.

  29. Synergy Girl says:

    You just can’t help but get that tune stuck in your head all day…!! That must make it all the worse…!! Love the insight…don’t worry, I don’t think girl on girl is any hotter than guy on guy…course….i am a girl…so, you know…

  30. So Not Mom-a-licious says:

    I think my husband secretly has a bro crush on him too! He sings the commercial non-stop and has to watch each of those commercials.

    You know the only one I didn’t like, was the one where he lived with his girlfriend in her parents house or something. That one was dumb.

  31. Kate Karyus Quinn says:

    Oh, the credit report guy lost my heart when he sang the song about how he should have checked his wife’s credit before getting married. Yeah, because true love mean being able to say, “I’ll need to see your credit score before I can say ‘I do.'”

  32. Lida says:

    Crushes shall keep us going and somehow set us free, and I hear u specially in my case when I watch a show I don´t particularly like (CSI Miami) just to catch a glimpse of Miss Natalia Boavista (ooohhh mama!!)
    Pirate guy is kind of cute, go for it. If Miss Boavista had a concer I would be front row throwing my panties at her!

  33. Tiny Tutus says:

    LOL You crack me up! Personally though – I’m obsessed with the ETrade baby! Not in a sexual way of course… but I definitely want to squeeze him!!

    Have a beautiful BITS day! 😉

  34. Alicia @ Oh2122 says:

    This made me giggle!

    I heard somewhere that he doesn’t even speak English. He’s a German national and he’s lip-synching.

    Does that tidbit do anything for you? European romance fantasy maybe?

  35. Pam says:

    Never really noticed the Pirate guy before, but I’ll be sure to keep my eye out for him. I do, however, understand irrational crushes on fictional characters/celebrities. Jim from The Office comes immediately to mind! And you’re right about straight men finding other men attractive. My husband thinks Tim Riggins (from Friday Night Lights) is, in his words, “a good lucky guy”. He’s right, too!

  36. Pam says:

    Never really noticed the Pirate guy before, but I’ll be sure to keep my eye out for him. I do, however, understand irrational crushes on fictional characters/celebrities. Jim from The Office comes immediately to mind! And you’re right about straight men finding other men attractive. My husband thinks Tim Riggins (from Friday Night Lights) is, in his words, “a good lucky guy”. He’s right, too!

  37. Pam says:

    Oops! I should proof read. It should say “good LOOKING guy” in the post above. Though my husband would probably agree that Tim is a “lucky” guy as well. After all Tim is dating Leila, who makes my husband’s heart flutter.

  38. cath says:

    one day at work in the lunch room the tv was showing the top 10 sexy celebs – brad pitt was number 2 and i said i didn’t think he was that attractive and my (married, supposedly straight) male coworker said, “are you kidding? I’D do brad pitt!” … the silence was deafening. but i digress … he is cute, and so are you for declaring your crush!

  39. Amy says:

    Ok now, be nice, my girls LOVE the Jonas Brothers and I do too. I’d do Joe Jonas although I am old enough to be his mother. But you can have the Free Credit Report guy and I’ll do Joe, and we won’t tell anyone. {laughing hysterically}

  40. healthydelicious says:

    I woke up with that damn song in my head this morning. Thanks for putting it right back in there, once I finally got it out. lol!

  41. nopatternrequired says:

    Ha ha! I totally get the “geek chic”-ness of that guy. My hubs is exactly the same way. Saw him once, and I was hooked! 🙂

  42. Alex the Girl says:

    My secret not gay crush is Kate Winslet…and we’ve seen her naked in at least two movies. She’s absoutely breathtaking.

  43. Heather says:

    Congrats on your “BITS” day 🙂

    Personally, my fave is the newlywed one about his wife NOT checking her free credit report and now they’re living with her parents.

    You’re right; he is pretty cute.

  44. Kim says:

    That is hilarious and he is cute! I love how they always change the story behind the song, but they keep him!

    And thanks for putting that song in my head, I’m sure I’ll be singing it all day!

  45. Adrian's Crazy Life says:

    Yep, I love him too and oddly enough, so does my husband. But I’m a purist, I only like the early commercials. The tunes are quite as catchy on the newer ones.

  46. Ali says:

    Confession: I like watching iCarly with my kids because I have a secret crush on Spencer. Well, I guess it’s not a secret anymore!

  47. Ali says:

    Confession: I like watching iCarly with my kids because I have a secret crush on Spencer. Well, I guess it’s not a secret anymore!

  48. polymerclaysnails says:

    He’s not so bad … what’s bad is that he’s advertising freecreditreport.com and it’s not really free … but his tunes are rather catchy …

  49. Housewife Savant says:

    I AM in love with the boy.
    He’s a blog post on deck.
    I hope you’re enjoying your SITS day. You’re posts are great.

  50. Sam_I_am says:

    I married my dream girl, I married my dream girl but she didn’t tell me her credit was bad, so instead of living in a pleasant suburb, we’re living in the basement of her mom and dad’s. We can’t get a loan for a respectable home just because my girl defaulted on some old credit cards… it’s stuck in your head now, isn’t it?

  51. Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane says:

    You so need to start a fan club! And you’d get to be president…though you might be the only member… LOL!

  52. Michelle says:

    Very cute. And I mean you, not him. For whatever reason, he just doesn’t do it for me.

    And apparently I’m not as prudish as I thought as I’m still trying to figure out where the adult content was 😉

  53. Stacie Haight Connerty says:

    I am kind of digging the “can you hear me now?” guy myself.

    Happy SITS Day! Faved you on Technorati also.

  54. TattooedMinivanMom says:

    Um, I don’t see it. I like more manly men. He’s too fleshy.

    But, whatever floats your boat Prestman.

  55. The Caretaker says:

    Oddly, my hubby LOOOVES those commercials. He sits there and laughs and thinks they’re cool. He loves the one where they are in medieval (sp?) times or whatever…too funny. Good suggestion for the ring tone, I should tell him.

  56. Michelle says:

    LOL!

    And yea, what is up with those men (mine NOT included) who think that gay men are gross but gay women are hot?

  57. Pixeltrash says:

    He is kinda cute, but I never really thought of him that way until you said so.

    We were sitting at our tandem computers, my hubby and me. All of a sudden I hear that song and I thought, I wonder where that’s popping up on his computer. I look over and he actually looked it up and played it on purpose. I LMBO. Who looks up commercials and plays them on purpose?

  58. JD at I Do Things says:

    HA! Yes, I am one of the screaming women. I wasn’t sure who you were referring to at first, but when I saw the screen grab, I knew right away: It’s Cutey McPirate McWaiter Guy! Step aside: he’s mine.

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