Entertaining Thoughts

I was going to write about why I didn’t go into work today, but I had decided when I started this blog that I was not going to use it to write about work. (Another thing to add to my not doing list) Anyway, while I was thinking about why I didn’t come to work, it made me think of another time I didn’t come to work and a very funny story that went along with it.

You see, not so very long ago I had an issue with a hemorrhoid and that made me think of the movie, Butterflies are Free. In this movie, Goldie Hawn makes friends with a blind guy who is living next to her. His mother is played by Eileen Hackett. In a particular scene, a director is telling the group about a play that Goldie is going to be in where she is lying naked on the floor dying from an overdose of heroin. Eileen Hackett expresses her disdain to which the director replies that it’s all part of life. Eileen retorts back, “So is diarrhea, but I wouldn’t classify it as entertainment!”

I wouldn’t normally classify hemorrhoids as entertainment but this is kind of funny. Anyway, I’ve never had this kind of problem before and decided to drag my sore butt to see Dr. B. She’s a wonderful doctor and I’ve been going to her for over 16 years. She’s a great lady too. She was feeling confident that this could be treated with medicine and not lanced. That is, until she saw it.

“This has got to go.” she told me matter-of-factly. So with nothing but a t-shirt on, there I was laying on my stomach on this table in one of her offices. Now in order to get to it properly, she had to spray my butt with some adhesive and then strap my butt checks down to the table with lots of tape. It was somewhat awkward and yet pretty hysterical being taped down like that. And she used a lot of tape!

She got the needle ready and warned me that she was going to have to numb my butt and that I might feel some pain from the needle before the area numbs. Just as she was ready to give me the needle, we hear from behind her in my sing-song voice, “It’s time to take your medicine!” This is my pre-recorded reminder to take my blood pressure medicine at 6:15. Now what are the chances that she would be just about giving me a shot in the butt at the same time I needed to take my meds?

Needless to say, she nearly jumped out of her skin. I explained that it was my cell phone and since the alarm kept repeating and I was strapped down, so-to-speak, she had to go routing through my pants to give me my cell phone so I could turn it off. After I turned it off, we had a pretty good laugh about the whole thing. It also helped relieve some of the tension. Just then, Heather texted me to see how it was going at the Doctor’s office. Dr. B went to work doing what needed to be done while I texted the story to Heather. After what happened with the alarm, I figured a little texting while Dr. B worked wouldn’t hurt anything.

Well maybe it wasn’t THAT funny but you should have been there. And since I already brought it up, if you haven’t seen Butterflies Are Free, you’re missing out on a classic, early Goldie Hawn movie. Go rent it. It’ll be more entertaining than hemorrhoids or diarrhea.

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